Bon Iver - Towers
This has been the song I’m obsessed with lately. Also, I want to live where this man lives.
This picture triggers all of my senses. I can smell it, hear it, feel it, taste it. Pictures aren’t just visual porn, they are an convey an entire emotion and unique experience.
Lately I find myself doing a few things differently than other people in social situations. I hear a lot of “why are you acting so awkward” or “don’t you realize this person thinks this about you?”
Yes. Yes I absolutely know and realize those things. I think there’s this weird dichotomy people have of when it’s appropriate to react to people’s opinions about you and when you should ignore them.
This is not bragging, but I actually am pretty intuitive of people. I didn’t used to be. I used to think I would end up being alone in all things work/social because people were just too much for me and I didn’t understand why they did the things they did. But that backfired, because I was the person who spent the next decade of my life (starting in high school) sitting back, observing, watching, learning, and predicting. I understand people now. But that doesn’t mean I have the same outward reactions as them.
What I find strange, though, is that people take the fact that I refuse to act in a way that’s “socially normal” as meaning that I don’t understand the subtleties, signs, and eccentricities of social queues. I do. I totally do. But I choose to not act on them. I act the way I want. And if that means that I feel no urge to get up and present myself as an active participant in a social situation and instead prefer to just stare into the distance, that’s my prerogative. These same people tell me I care too much of others’ opinions on things such as appearances at work, appearances in dress, appearances in choices.
It all just seems backwards to me. Not everyone does this, I’m just finding that there is a large subset of the population who does, however.
Yes, this is a bit of a rant, and probably not nearly specific or interesting enough. My point is that “what’s expected” is often subjective, and more importantly, not acting out those expectations is certainly not a sign of lack of understanding. In fact, I would argue that those who simply mimic the expectations don’t understand the eccentricities of social interactions as well as they think they do, because they certainly seem out of their element when you don’t follow their suit.
Do not mock a pain that you haven’t endured.Unknown [via kvtes]
How broad and pretentious, but that’s the word that keeps popping up in my head lately.
I deal with kids on a regular basis. And while I jokingly will tell my coworkers that the kids aren’t human, I recognize that they’re very human, in a very real but inexperienced sense. They have no bearing for many of the things that happen in their lives and as such, typically react bold and arrogant until the world slaps them in the face. When that happens, they don’t recognize that their arrogance has cut them down hard, and try to blame the adults around them. While there are exceptions, this is a general rule of thumb.
So why is humanity popping into my head? Well, I had a conversation with a coworker of mine, who is about a decade older than I am. I was getting very frustrated with some of the kids and phrased some of my words such that they came out in a way I meant to say them, but didn’t convey the thought I meant for them to. And it hurt me to know that I was supposed to be the adult, and I made this mistake. I needed to apologize, but I didn’t know how to do while still letting the child know that I made a mistake in my actions, but that doesn’t mean her actions, which needed to be addressed, were justified.
So I am talking to my coworker about this. His response was “just tell them that. Let them see that you are human. They need to see that. And no, they probably won’t get the message immediately, and they’re probably going to continue to do these stupid things day in and day out. But let them see the example of what things should be. They’re inexperienced in life, and they need to see adults problem solve as much as they need to see adults who have it together.”
That stuck with me. The fact that by teaching I’m not just teaching the subject, I’m supposed to be a problem for them to watch and see how I work things out.
That’s terrifying, and very hard when I have ways of sharing my thoughts and feelings with others, but the kids are not and cannot be privy to those all of emotions and media. The most human side of me they cannot see, because I have to maintain a level of ‘professionalism’. Instead they see me awkwardly biting my tongue, mixing up my words, and ignoring/nit-picking things, which altogether make me sound extremely awkward and weird. Often times I just look like I have a weird personality.
They see the struggle I deal with every day. They just don’t see why. I think that’s what one aspect of humanity is: seeing other people reacting to life, sometimes understanding why, and sometimes not, always logging the experience for later.
Someone get me one of these.
I mean, tell me first. So I can prepare. I might die of adorable if you don’t at least give me fair warning.
How do you know when it’s over?"Gunnar Ardelius (I Need You More Than I Love You And I Love You To Bits)
“Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.
The less you know, the sounder you sleep.
I’ll agree with that. A lot.
Blood Bank - Bon Iver
Beautiful song.. I could listen to it forever. On a Bon Iver kick again, so sit tight with me for a bit. We’ll work through it eventually.
Also, this video is kinda exactly the scenery I always imagine goes along with the music.
I don’t know how long I can stay in the coastal region.